And I Shall Be Quiet.

In human interaction, we need space, and we need boundaries. I know it is right and healthy, but right now I am behind the fence. I miss the action and interaction on the playing field. Perhaps I did not play fair. Perhaps I did not heed the boundaries; for in the human interplay we give and take. I enjoy being in the sun, for it is warm and it gives light. I enjoy sitting in a shade, studying the reflections of light and colours, being quiet and content in the shadow of enchanting minds jousting with words and ideas. I like being in the proximity of scholars, having a cup of tea with the great minds of this world.

            Thinking of myself as an introvert, I realize I need the inspiration of others to engage, to dig deeper, to see questions rise from the inner soul and meet the day. I meet great minds in books, but the interaction becomes sort of stifled. I interact with a text. The text inspires me, but it does not respond to my reactions. And as always, I sit in solitude and cannot fully trust my own thoughts. Soon I stop looking into the books, and they lay on the desk closed and silent.

            In the dark nights of December, I have been comforted by the sign of the cross. "In the name of the Father, and the Son and the Holy Spirit". I live not only in mind, but just as much in feelings, senses, heart, and will. I sense the darkness blanketing around me; accompanied by a certain sadness. It is like I – in Heidegger’s terms – withdraw from the beauty of day and sink into the dark earth. You may pass me on your path, and never know my beauty, for it is hidden. 

            Thus, I shall be quiet and wait.