A Sense of Belonging

the lodge

I am thinking about architecture, but more than one house. I am thinking about community and about a sense of belonging. When you have been on a long journey, it feels so comforting to come home. You notice the stairs, the walkway, and the landscape. You walk with anticipation towards the front door and it is like the hallway greets you like an old friend. Before long, the kitchen and the living room are alive again.

trees!

I was on a very long journey. I liked the new and exiting experiences. I liked trying to settle in new environments. For the most part, I think I succeeded. I was on this journey for 20 years, until the doors opened to venture back. This time it was my husband who uprooted and became the stranger. For him it was like another adventure. We settled in a village where none of us had lived before. Still, I was very familiar with the wild and wonderful landscape. I had spent much time in the summers (and some tearful winter vacations) in this region. The trees were familiar. The forest, wild berries and flora, it was like it beckoned me to come and be part of them again. Ok, so I am a rational being, not much given to irrational emotions. Still, when I knew no one saw me, I gave some sturdy old tree trunks a hug!  My skin felt soft and young against the rough bark. I was happy.

the lady of the house

The people in the village had familiar features. They looked like me. I knew I might be remotely related to perhaps one third or more of the population. After all, my dad and my maternal grandmother were from these parts. I recognized short, stout noses, bushy eyebrows, long upper lips, or bright blue eyes. I saw the round faces with high cheekbones. Although I never lived here, and I did not really know too many of these people, I felt a sense of belonging.

We came here because of a job. I teach English at a Christian boarding school, a college prep school, and the students are from elsewhere in the country. Our housing is provided by the school. For more than six years we have lived in a hamlet of likeminded people, all connected to the school. I felt at home with them. I understood them immediately, and I did not have to explain myself, nor did I have to spell my name, for it was quite ordinary to them.

We do not need to be in the exact place where we grew up to find this sense of belonging, but it is good not to be too far from one’s own roots.

us

In our world it is common to move from place to place, to seek opportunities of various kinds. We seek what is good for our children, for our living conditions, for our yearning to develop in our professions, and such things. In the middle of it we need to recreate the sense of home, the sense of belonging, and it is hard. In some cases it does not materialize. In some cases, perhaps too many, we live slightly artificial lives, hurrying from one activity to another to try to make up for missing the settling feeling of being home.

What if we could map out and create small communities, small enough to be personal and large enough to give space to each other… What if we could create such a sense of belonging, which would reflect our home culture? I see a community building complex, and in it there is room for children to play safely, for older people to interact as they please, young families to connect to the older generations. I see young, single men and women not alone, not lonely, but part of a vibrant community. I see reading houses, small stores, and gardens or grow boxes. I see my own trees, woods with all the distinct plants.  

I do not know if this sort could materialize in my generation. Still, if I had an option to make something like this happen, I would much more do so than sit alone in a large villa, where I live in only segments of the house and become lonely. As long as both my husband and I live, we have each other’s company, and our children may opt to live elsewhere. So, for us, a closer sense of community may involve other people than family, in the same region. It is like the model of an extended family with common bonds and similar culture. In such a setting we help each other and we encourage each other.

Kviteseid

Perhaps is the village an extended manifestation of this idea, but still in a village will we sit in isolation and long for closer connections. The built environment encourages such isolation, and it is this aspect I would love to challenge.  Perhaps if our doors were more open, and we were more in the habit of coming in to one another uninvited, it might work. I remember those days, actually – and in my childhood I set out to simply go to a classmate and ring the doorbell. “Hi! Do you want to play?” I never thought about being accepted; it was a given. This was home, and there was a sense of belonging.

Vegskille

Jeg hadde spørsmål i dag tidlig, spørsmål til Gud, om hvordan jeg skal forholde meg til mennesker rundt meg som ikke lenger bekjenner Jesus Kristus som Herre, til mennesker som med viten og vilje legger opp til et nytt budskap for kirken. Jeg har  ønsket å ha en viss dialog, ønsket å kunne bidra med noe, ønsket og bedt om at de individer jeg har kontakt med, vil la seg overbevise av Den Hellige Ånd om hva som er sant og rett. Jeg har ikke ønsket å se et brudd, rent menneskelig sett. Jeg har ikke villet stenge folk ute fra min sosiale setting. Lenge syntes jeg det var ukristelig å gjøre, for jeg hadde et håp om at de ville vende om.

Jeg leste i Johannes’ 2.brev, og der stå det ” Den som ikke holder seg til Kristi lære, men går ut over den, har ikke samfunn med Gud. Den som holder seg til læren, han har samfunn med Faderen og Sønnen. Om noen kommer til dere og ikke fører denne lære, så ta ikke imot ham i deres hjem, og hils ham ikke vel møtt.  For den som hilser ham, blir medskyldig i det onde han gjør.” ( 2.Joh 2,9-11)

Dette var klar tale. Johannes skriver i forbindelse med vranglære som menigheten sto overfor, en vranglære som ikke fastholder Jesus som menneske kommet i kjøtt og blod. Vi står overfor en annen vranglære: en som fornekter Jesu suverene herredømme, som fastholder mennesker i sine synder, som dreper håpet vi har for liv og fornyelse gjennom oppgjør, tilgivelse og renselse. Og hvordan skal jeg forholde meg til mennesker i mine kretser som fremmer dette? Vi har nådd en grense. Våre veier må skilles.