Identity

In the face of a reality which seems fragmented and larger than our perspectives can grasp, we may wonder: who are we, really? How do I define myself? Am I defined by my deeds? Does my work define me? Am I defined by my name, my family, my local geography, my nation?

 

Jerry and Dad

           My generation, in this western world, has faced much innovation and many discoveries.   I suppose it started in my parents’ generation, but I felt it heavy on my shoulders. I love the change, but it has robbed me of tradition. I cannot make use of the solutions and patterns of life which have been handed down to me because they do not fit any longer. I needed to seek and define my own identity, my own solutions.

            I am global and international. I am crossing borders, shifting nations. I become a stranger and a nobody, without history. I do not resound the call of the familiar nature around me. If I had lived in one place all my life, at least in my defining years, this may have been a stabilizing factor.

            I am an individual. Or am I? Well, of course I am. The question is whether that defines me, whether my individuality in itself will tell me and others who I am.

If I seek solitude and endeavour to turn my gaze into my own soul – will I find who I am, what I am? Will I understand my place in life?

            What is it that defines me?

Interestingly enough, eastern religious traditions have various ways of introspection, meditation and techniques to meet some of these questions, but the goal is not to find oneself, but to lose oneself. The bliss of Nirvana entails a self-depletion, the moksha in Hindu experience aims to be free from the wheel of life, of the things that bind one to this world.

What defines me is not found in myself, as much as it is found in relations to God and to others. Even a hermit relates – most often to God, if he is a Christian hermit; and the relationship between him and God defines who and what – and why – he is.

            My relationship to God defines me. I do not exist apart from it; I am in constant interaction with God. God does not tell me who I am or what I am or why I am. I do not find a word in the Bible which in itself gives me my identity. I am a living being and God is a living God. It is the relationship that defines me.

Two of our sons and I

            My family defines me. I am Petter’s daughter; I am Helga’s daughter.  The old saying ’blood is thicker than water’, holds true. My parents have given me my genetic makeup, and I resemble them or other family relations. I am a sister. My siblings resonate my being, because they are in many ways similar to me. We have the same genetic pool, but we also have a deep and genuine love for each other. Our relationship defines us. These are factors we are born into and do not choose. They are given. In a quest for identity, we have a given, an a priori base.

            My relationships define me further: I am a wife. I am a mother. I am a mother-in-law.  Being female is a pre-requisite for these relationships and these roles. For many years I was primarily Mrs Lund or the mother of my sons – my roles pointed to who I was in society. Secondly I was a teacher, but only to some (my students). There is no conflict between being defined by roles, acting out the roles, and being the one I am. The roles that define me are primary relationships, not my deeds, not what I do.

I am a friend. I am an acquaintance. I am a possible friend – to someone new.

Lastly: I am a sister in Christ. Wow! This relationship, which is a given, is international, global – even eternal! It blasts the borders of place and the limits of time.

Initially I bemoaned the need for defining one’s own world, for creating new solutions and not carrying on traditions, but one thing never changes: that our true identity is not in our selves only, but in our relationships. To bring out who we are, we face our Maker, the God of the Bible. To share who we are, we interact in our primary relations.